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Check new regulations for Thanksgiving!

November 25, 2014

As we take time to appreciate our blessings from living in the USA, be careful, too! Your brother in law may drink all your beer in his personal best record time. Your mother in law will fondly remember the rich suitor of your wife that she dumped to marry a hobo. Your daughter will announce why she is getting a divorce and moving back home. Your uncle will park his rump in your easy chair and switch the channel from football to “Airplane Repo” marathon with his brilliant comments. But hey, it could be worse! We got a surprise package of new government regulations!

Yes our president not only been busy using his pen and phone. He ordered all government bureaucracies to unleash every crazy stupid petty fee and penalty they been dreaming up for years! Are you going to pay more? Yeah! Are you going to be hauled in for violating regulations? Hell Yeah!

Tens of thousands of regulations are now spreading like rats across the USA right before Thanksgiving! Are you complying or in violation by allowing people to eat in your private residence? Are you cleared by health department standards of food preparation? Stainless steel hygienically clean utensils being used? Is your house exceeding the legal allowed number of people with guests? If your brother in law drives into a ditch for being over served, then you will be hauled into court. If your mother in law brought in prepared food, did she violate food transportation regulations? Did you get a license or an exemption for a gathering of more than 10 people at your residence?

So as we want to say a prayer of Thanksgiving at the dinner table, we are violating several regulations and offending sensitive agnostic native Americans. Celebrating Thanksgiving is now an act of protest and defiance against our fearless leader. Invite a veteran to your home, or donate to USO for entertaining our military away from home. I refuse to watch the showman in chief on television “saving” the White House turkey. They are eating turkey anyway! Don’t expect to see their Thanksgiving feast including anarchist looters from Ferguson and virus carrying illegal alien children.

I will light up a cigar to upset and offend my mother in law. I will pour myself a champagne cocktail to pretend I can live like the high rollers. I will head out to our local casino to gamble our Christmas gift money. (It’s not very much!)

Thanks for releasing terrorists to get a deserter home for Thanksgiving!

Thanks for releasing terrorists to get a deserter home for Thanksgiving!

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